Pinay Nars

I am a registered nurse for almost 3 years now. Unfortunately, I am one of the hundred thousands depressed unemployed Filipino nurses who are suffering from the crisis of the nursing profession. And like most of the tambay nurses usually do in their everyday lives, surfing the internet serves as a routine. One day, while browsing my multiply site which I rarely visit, I bumped into my article I made when I was in 2nd year college. The title is “Am I Regretting” (pertaining to my course). Let me share you this piece of writing that consists of off-putting thoughts. Then let me impart how I managed to alter my pessimistic view of nursing life to optimistic side. Here it goes: 

“Why the hell did I take this course? Why should I bear with it? I opt to have a workload of drawings, computations, critical thinking, even exercise my weak muscles and any other man’s job rather see myself dying doing a nurse’s job. The first one is a torture while enjoying while the latter is a pure torture. Consciously, I am not that good in math and arts, but I do believe that everything can be mastered in time especially if you’re dedicated and most importantly if your mind suits into that field. My mind? Does it suits with nursing? Honestly, it’s telling me everyday that it can’t be au fait with this course.

Well, I envy those students who are enjoying every split second of their study. . . 

I can say that my boyfriend’s mother, being a head nurse in Saudi, is a bona fide epitome of an excellent nurse. I wanted to be like her. (sometimes… at least…) but how can I be successful like her if I don’t like the path leading to it. It’s like a road full of obstacles. No, I am not exacerbating. This is what I am feeling right now. 

I can’t see myself burdening with the works of a nurse such as showing genuine care to others, having a bundle-of-toilet-paper-like patience, promoting health to ill patients and most of all aiding wounds! Lately, I searched for images of wounds, rashes, animal bites and the likes in the internet for my presentation in health care. I stopped. I couldn’t take those anymore. They look so morbid. I couldn’t take a glimpse to the pictures. Yes, only pictures and only glimpse. See, is this what I really wanted for the next stages of my life? 

I think, I don’t belong in here… even if I wanted to, even if I tried to, even if I dreamt to… 

I conclude… 

Me and nursing don’t fit.”

After reading this full of negative outlook article, I smiled. A smile that shows relief. Because apparently, I surpassed all my complaints and overcame all my fears of being a real nurse. I graduated on time and passed the PNLE by one take. And yes, I am proud of having my name longer by 2 capital letters, RN. But I know that the battle to move forward with this profession doesn't stop with merely my new title.

Back to my immature sentiments, I admit that my first 2 years as a nursing student was really grueling. I indulged myself griping and seeking for grounds to quit and shift course. I looked for thousand reasons to compare my life to other students in other course and prove that I took the wrong move. This attitude stopped until I started my duty in a hospital and handled my own patients. I found myself looking forward to every single day I will spend in the hospital. Everyday is a rewarding day. In the long process, I established a new me, no longer terrified of seeing and even aiding various cases of injuries. I learned how to provide genuine care to my patients and sometimes to their significant others and that is one of the most fulfilling feelings I had. I discovered my passion in helping others and talking to different kind of people in different aspects of life. Being a nurse is hard but at the end it’s all worth it. I came to my realizations that through enjoying your work will in due course make you love it. Complaining won’t make you lead to a much better life but instead will just make you waste your precious time. Start loving what you have and everything else will follow.

Like others, my career as a nurse didn’t went on a smooth sailing way. I experienced how to be a typical registered nurse struggling to have a job as a nurse in a hospital. And so I gave 7 months of voluntary service that eventually helped me to become an underpaid contractual staff nurse for a year. I also tried to advance my nursing practice by attending seminars and training that of course cost me and my parents’ high amount of money. I underwent with the bleak condition of my field. But still, I believe that my hopes would never end on a dismal note.

Being a dedicated nurse is a choice. It is not something to be imposed on. It is a feeling that you’ll have if you pour your heart out on it. I opted to be a nurse and I promise to be one with all my heart and mind. I will continue to withstand every block that this profession will throw me. It may be a stormy day for me now but soon I know that I’ll be having a bright shiny day. Hold on.

Believe it or not, I don’t regret that I am a nurse. I am jobless but still carry the pride of being a professional medical allied of the country. Because I believe that God put me on where I am now and made me who I am now for His purpose. And I will continue to wait and see that purpose. I will never relinquish in hoping that someday, one day, I will be a nurse not only by heart but also by action. I know that I will work as a hospital nurse again. And I know that it is soon. God made me a nurse and I will be a nurse until eternity is through.

I now love being a nurse to bits albeit I am enduring this futile phase of my profession.

“I think, I belong in here… because I wanted to, because I tried to, because dreamt to…

I conclude…

Me and nursing fit.”